Kissing Friends
by xDaisyPetalx
Summary: An AU Maddison one shot. She never left Seattle and never had the bargin with Mark. When Addison is at her most vulnerable after being diagnosed with cancer, who will be there to help her?


**To all the 'This is the last second chance' readers, I'm not anywhere near finished with it yet. I just had one of those feelings when I had to get this out, it's my first ever Maddison fic so be kind. **

**I don't own any characters- if I did, I'd be changing the show not writing fanfictions...**

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They'd been married just over two years; by the time the papers were signed there was mutual relief, no time for resentment only pure, unadulterated relief. He could run off to his new love, to Meredith, and she was finally free to live her life as she wanted. Now when she saw Derek and Meredith whispering to each other in corners there wasn't such a deep sense of hurt, now there was only an ache, creeping into the back of her head only to be pushed away. She moved into her own apartment and got on with her own life, she had a few relationships of her own but never too serious. Part of her had been broken forever when Derek had left; she knew it was partially her fault with Mark but she's apologized and tried to make things work- he'd never taken that step, just left her out in the cold. There was still a small amount of resentment there in that respect, she watched the Grey girl go through mood-swings and Derek would follow her around like a devoted puppy, desperate to keep her happy, something he'd never thought to do for his wife. Maybe he'd finally learnt from his mistakes, but not soon enough for her.

The fact Mark was at the hospital now didn't help much, shivers still ran down her spine when she felt him walk past her, he had that same smile, the same cheeky wink that had made her lose all sense of control in the first place. There were still feelings there, and unresolved issues. She couldn't admit to herself there was only one person she wanted, him. There was something that held her back, the fact the relationship was damaged goods. It didn't matter how gorgeous he was, how kind he was to her, how he made her feel, she still had the fear that he was going to cheat on her again, and she didn't think she could handle that pain after the last time.

The tiredness began to creep up on her about a year after the divorce had been finalised, at first she put it down to working too hard and limited her time in the OR. But soon it was obvious something more serious was going on here, bruises started to appear overnight and she would have no idea how or when she had got them. She tried to ignore the creeping feeling of terror as she went to get herself checked out. She already knew the result wasn't going to be good, already knew what was happening to her body, but she needed confirmation so she could take the next step. She was right of course. Leukaemia. Acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. She was given a 50% chance of recovery and, as she always did, she chose the most aggressive treatment possible to give herself the best chance.

It was cruel that the hospital she worked in was the best at curing her type of leukaemia; she hated seeing Meredith and her gang peering through into her room. Meredith had these ridiculous sad eyes, as if it was her fault that she was now suffering. She would lie in bed, clenching her fists on the bed sheets, watching them. In the end she asked Bailey to get them to leave, and finally, they did. A feeling of loneliness stole over her, she had no visitors; she hadn't told her family to prevent hysteria. So she sat, and she waited, waited either to be cured or for the disease to take over her body. She missed working, she missed her patients and most of all she missed Mark. In the evenings she'd sit and she'd watch as the hospital slowly emptied of people on her floor, as the doctors went home and she'd be left alone again.

One night it was worse than usual, her chemo had started a week ago and she was filled with despair- no one cared about her and perhaps it would be better if the disease stole her away in the middle of the night, she was pretty sure she wouldn't be missed. She slowly got up out of her bed, clinging to her IV and she slowly walked down the corridors, climbed into the lift, intending to roam the hospital, despite being mentally and physically exhausted. She'd only walked about 10 paces when she felt a hand on her shoulder, strong and comforting.

"Addison what are you doing here?" She turned and saw Mark, staring at her, his brow furrowed in concern. She looked so vulnerable, standing there with her shoulders hunched, both hands gripping the IV as if it were the only thing that could hold her up. Her once lustrous red hair hung limp around her face and her previously sparkling eyes looked dull and defeated "Come on" he took her arm "let's get you back to your room" he slowly lead her back, he could see that each step was an effort but she wasn't going to lean on him anymore than she was doing so at the moment. When they reached the room she stood in the doorway for a moment, just watching the room that had now become her home. She walked over to her bed and climbed back in, barely moving as Mark pulled the covers up around her. She curled into a little ball, barely looking at him but he didn't miss the silent tears coursing down her face.

"I'm lonely Mark" she whispered "I need… I need" her breath hitched in her chest "I need a friend" he simply nodded and climbed into the bed beside her, pulling her close to him. She'd lost so much weight, she'd been skinny before but now she was so fragile it felt like she was going to break in his arms. He felt her relax against him and with a long sigh she rested her head on his chest, closing her eyes. "I'd forgotten what I was like, to be like this" she murmured quietly, causing him to close his eyes, furious with himself for leaving her like this. He stayed there, watching her sides rise and fall as she slept peacefully; despite everything that had happened she was still so beautiful. He couldn't resist planting a small kiss on the top of her head and as he did he saw her eyelashes flutter as she opened her eyes "friends don't do that" she mumbled sleepily.

"Well I'm a friend and I do" he began stroking her hair soothingly "We'll be kissing friends, it's cool" he heard her chuckle and slowly, but surely, she fell back to sleep again.

He didn't break his promise, he was there whenever he could be; they even set up a camp-bed in her room for him. He was there when she woke up in the middle of the night, the chemotherapy taking affect, when she threw up over her bedclothes. He held her straggly hair back and stood outside whilst she showered to make sure she was okay, he demanded the nurses change her sheets and he made her rinse her mouth out before carrying her back to her clean bed, kissing her gently on the lips and waiting until she fell back to sleep again before he also went to sleep.

He was the one who raced to her room when the nurses couldn't get her to calm down. He had shoved Derek out of the way when he was blocking the corridor talking to Meredith, sprinted to her room to find her sitting on her bed, holding large clumps of red hair in her hands, crying her eyes out. He'd climbed onto the bed next to her and had slowly taken the hair out of her hands, dropping it into the nearby bin "Can't call you Red now can I?" he mused, a kind smile on his face "But to be honest it was looking so great these last few weeks" he paused, winked at her and finished "Baldy" through her tears she had burst out laughing and hit him weakly on the chest. He grabbed her hands and gentle kissed the few bald spots that had appeared since he'd been gone. "We'll shave it off when I finish work okay" she nodded "'Cos I have to say… the tufty look doesn't suit you" and he leapt off the bed and ran for the door, hearing her shrieks of outrage and laughter as he went.

When she was nearing the end of her chemo she and Mark were curled up on the bed in her room, she was wearing a light blue headscarf that really brought out the colour of her eyes. She turned over slightly, looking up at him. He noticed she was watching him and looked down at her "What?"

She smiled "I'm bored in here"

"So?"

"So" she sat up "Tell me what's going on out there, you're my only link to that hospital and I know what it's like"

"Um" he paused, thinking about what he should tell her "Derek and Meredith have broken up for the third time this month" she snorted with laughter "The nurses are pissed about workload and their pay"

"Well make them happy Mark" she winked at him "That's what you do right?"

There was a moments silence, Mark was genuinely hurt and Addison had a feeling she might have said the wrong thing, he sighed "Not anymore"

She looked confused "Why not?"

"I met someone"

She tried to push away the feeling of jealousy that stole over her, if he'd given up the nurses it had to be serious. She managed to put on a strained smile "Really?" she took a deep breath, feigning interest when all she wanted to do was cry, cry because, although she wouldn't admit it, these few weeks had shown her how much she needed and wanted this man by her side forever, however long forever was with her. "Tell me about her"

He raised an eyebrow, seeing right through her, but he smiled at her and gave her a gentle squeeze "Well" he started "She's the most beautiful person I've ever seen, even on her worst days. She makes me laugh all the time and she's one of the cleverest women I've ever met" she didn't like that, she was supposed to be the clever one. "She's incredibly stubborn but really strong and it just feels right when she's with me"

"How long have you known her" her voice was quiet, there was no way she could ever compete.

"A long time" he smiled "A few years, but I've never been as close to her as I am now"

"But" she shook her head, confused "When do you have time to see her? You're always at the hospital, you're either working or with me"

He sighed "Okay I take back the part about her being smart"

"What?" she was genuinely confused now "I don't understand Mark. I…" she paused "What does she look like?"

He rolled his eyes "Jesus Addie. Okay she's tall, she's got the most amazing legs I've ever seen; she's got big blue eyes" he saw those blue eyes widen as understanding started to fill them "oh and she's completely bald after I shaved her head, she used to have long, beautiful red hair but now she wears all these fancy headscarves instead" he watched as her eyes filled with tears, now he became more hesitant "Did I say the wrong thing?"

She shook her head, putting her hand on his cheek and kissing him "You've made me the happiest girl in the world" she paused for a second, turning her head to the side slightly and saying "It is me right?" he burst out laughing and nodded. "But Mark…" she averted her gaze downwards "What if something happens to me? What if I don't get better?"

"Then we'll work through it" he was resolute "I want to be here for you, for as long as you're here and for as long as I'm here. You are going to get better Addie and if you don't, then we'll carry on like we're doing now- but I don't want to be just your kissing friend anymore okay? I want to be more"

"Kissing friends with benefits" she chuckled

"How about just a boyfriend," he smiled at her "there are no other girls Addie, just you, it's always been you"

It wasn't long after that she was allowed to go home, home with Mark who was moving in to look after her- to make sure she got her follow up meds and looked after herself. It appeared the treatment had worked and that she was going to be one of those 50% who made it. She was still frail and she had to lean slightly on Mark's arm as she left her room, the room where so much had happened. They walked down the corridor together, Mark's arm protectively around her as everyone gawked at her. She saw Derek come out of the lift and he stopped as he recognised her, not once had he visited her, not once had he shown any concern. As they reached him he managed to stutter out "Addison, I'm so sorry…" It was what he should have said when she was diagnosed, not when she was leaving the hospital and her prospects were very good. She felt Mark stiffen beside her and she gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

"It's fine Derek" her tone was cool and icy as her blue eyes bore into him "I'm much better now and do you know what?" she glanced up at Mark and smiled at him "I couldn't be happier. Good luck with the Grey girl" and, managing to be free of Mark's grasp she walked, calmly, confidently and mostly importantly without help, to the elevator. "Are you coming Mark?" she winked at him and he chuckled, coming to join her. As the doors closed and they began the journey down to the ground floor she turned to him "I really do love you, you do know that?"

"Of course I do" he put his arm around her again and squeezed her tight "and I love you too… Baldy"

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**Thanks for reading and please review!**


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